E35 - The Hidden Cost of Letting Someone Else Handle Your Investments
You can be earning great money, investing consistently, checking all the boxes, yet still feel strangely disconnected from your financial life.
Maybe your husband handles the investing. Or you have a financial advisor. Maybe you've decided Future You will figure it all out.
And underneath, you wonder:
Am I doing enough?
Am I investing enough?
Can I actually afford to enjoy my money?
What if I'm making mistakes?
Why do I still feel anxious when I think I'm doing well?
If you've ever thought those things, you're not alone.
And here's the thing…
The answer isn't becoming an investing expert.
I think the answer is something much simpler—and much more powerful.
The Phone Call I'll Never Forget
A friend and former client called me recently, absolutely bursting with excitement. She could barely get the words out fast enough.
She and her husband had a baby on the way.
They'd just bought their first house.
They were planning renovations.
Starting businesses.
Basically… life was life-ing.
And in the middle of trying to figure out how to pay for everything, she said something that made my ears perk up like a bunny:
"For the first time in our relationship, I felt like such a big asset to our financial decisions."
She didn't suddenly became a financial wiz or suddenly start reading stock market news.
She simply understood what they had, what accounts existed, and how that aligned with the goals they were now living.
And suddenly, she became part of the conversation.
Then she said the word that made me want to melt into the floor:
"I feel so empowered."
Honestly, girlfriend? That is everything!!!
"He's the Money Person" Dynamic
I see this all the time.
One person becomes "the money person."
The other person thinks:
He's better at this.
She's smarter than me.
They enjoy this stuff.
I trust them.
I just need to make sure I don't overspend.
Sound familiar?
Maybe it's your spouse, advisor, your dad, or a random friend who's "good with money."
And because "an expert" is handling things, you tell yourself you don't really need to understand it.
But money isn't just math.
Money shapes:
Your stress levels
Your freedom
Your options
Your relationships
Your timeline
Your lifestyle
And when someone else handles all of that?
Your money starts inheriting their fears.
Their habits.
Their blind spots.
Their definition of "safe."
Even if they're brilliant.
Even if they love you.
Even if they have years of experience with investing.
Because we're all human.
You Don't Need to Become an Investing Expert
This might be my favorite part.
My friend didn't become an investing expert.
She didn't start timing the market, become obsessed with spreadsheets, or memorize fancy investing terms.
She simply understood:
What accounts they had
What the money was for
What their goals were
What their investments were supposed to support
That's it.
Think of it like Google Maps.
First, you plug in the destination. Then you figure out the route.
But if you don't know where you're trying to go?
Everything feels confusing.
That's why understanding the high-level of your goals and finances matter more than understanding how to optimize your investments.
How One Question Saved Them From Making an Expensive Mistake
As they talked through renovation costs, her husband immediately defaulted to:
"Well, I guess we'll have to put it on a credit card."
It was an old habit of theirs that resulted with an automatic response.
But she remembered seeing money sitting in one of their savings accounts.
So she asked:
"Wait… what is that money actually for?"
Turns out it had originally been earmarked for an insurance expense they'd already paid, and that money was totally available to support their renovations, they just hadn't realized it.
Suddenly: No credit card necessary.
A huge win for them financially.
All thanks because she got involved and had the confidence to ask one simple question.
Sometimes being involved isn't about having all the answers.
It's about asking better questions.
Your Investments Are Supposed to Support Your Life
One of my favorite moments from their story came when they were buying their house.
Her husband felt terrible about using investment money for the down payment.
He had spent years building the habit: "Don't touch the investments."
And that is a great habit… until it's not.
And she asked him:
"Weren't we saving and investing all these years so that we could buy a house someday?"
(Light bulb!!)
The thing is, investments aren't meant to be untouched forever.
They're meant to be tools.
They're there to support:
Buying a home
Taking a career pause
Spending more time with your kids
Caring for aging parents
Creating financial freedom
Otherwise, what's the point??
Your investments are meant to enhance your life—not become a museum you never touch.
The Parent-Child Dynamic Nobody Talks About
This part is subtle.
And even healthy couples fall into it.
One person becomes the all-knowing money person.
The other becomes the person who asks permission.
Slowly, questions become:
"Can we afford this?"
"Is it okay if I buy this?"
"What do you think we should do?"
And over time, the less involved partner slowly loses confidence.
They stop asking questions. Stop participating.
And eventually, they stop seeing themselves as capable.
Gals, that is heartbreaking stuff. Because understanding your money isn't just about money.
It's about self-trust.
Money Stress Hurts Both People
Here's something we don't talk about enough.
The "money person" often carries enormous pressure. They're the one lying awake at night trying to make everything work.
They're emotionally processing all the numbers.
Meanwhile, the other partner feels totally disconnected.
Neither experience is fun, and neither person wins, because money decisions always involve trade-offs.
Every "yes" means "no" to something else.
And when only one person understands those trade-offs?
One person ends up carrying the weight of the entire future.
That's exhausting.
Passenger Princess Doesn't Work
Imagine you're in a rowboat.
One person is rowing.
The other person is sitting in the back, all passenger princess.
Cute?
Sure...
Efficient?
Not at all.
You will always go farther and faster when both people are rowing together.
And that doesn't mean both people need equal expertise.
It simply means both people are involved.
Both understand the destination, know the goals, can spot blind spots.
Both people are on the same team.
Two people rowing together will always go farther faster than one person doing all the work.
What Women Bring to Financial Decisions
Financial contribution isn't just about income.
It's about perspective.
Emotional intelligence.
Noticing patterns.
Questioning old beliefs.
Seeing trade-offs.
Recognizing when fear is driving decisions.
I always joke that after years of marriage, I learned to recognize when my husband wasn't actually mad at me. He was just hangry. Suddenly, a burrito could solve about 90% of our arguments.
Money is similar.
Sometimes what looks like "we can't afford this" is actually fear.
Sometimes what looks like "we should save more" is actually scarcity.
Sometimes what "feels irresponsible" is actually exactly what the money was designed to do.
And having another person involved helps you see those things.
What To Do Next
Start here:
Understand what your investments are meant to support.
Know what accounts you have and what goals they're for.
Know whether your investments are on track for those goals.
Ask questions.
Confidence doesn't come from knowing everything.
It comes from understanding the right things.
The Bottom Line
If you've spent years telling yourself:
"He handles that."
"My advisor has it."
"I'm just not good at money."
"I don't earn enough to have an opinion."
I want you to know something.
None of that is true.
You don't need another degree.
You don't need to memorize investing jargon.
And you definitely don't need to become someone else.
You simply deserve to understand the life you're building.
Because understanding your money isn't about control.
It's about freedom.
It's about confidence.
It's about self-trust.
And ultimately?
It's about being in the driver's seat of your own life instead of sitting in the backseat while someone else drives.
Ready for More Clarity?
My 90-Minute Money Clarity & Decision Support Session was created for exactly this.
Together, we'll look at your investments, your goals, and the trade-offs in front of you so you can stop second-guessing yourself and start making decisions with confidence.
Because you don't need more complexity.
You need clarity.
And you deserve to feel like an asset in your own financial life.
Investment and financial decisions should always be made in the context of your unique goals and circumstances. This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be considered individualized financial advice.
